Sunday, October 7, 2012

First Rant

I can't think anymore.  It's like the whole world is dragging me down my soul resides in a pit of perpetual darkness intermittently interrupted by a bright flash of vibrant streaming happiness, quickly choked, gazing into the eternal abyss of atheism desiring tears, tasting apathy, prisoner, unseen forces quell the rebellion of thought, crushing inspiration, deluge of apathy overwhelms all defenses, discipline lacking, illusion of order projected, posing happy, crying mind, sources elude searches, sadness creators laboring full time in the shadows, camouflaged by life, casting curses of elusive hope, sending messages of empty promises, creating dreams of impossible fulfillment. 

I don't mind the cold seeping into my pores.  It's the cold seeping into my soul, like leaning on a metal streetlight on a cold fall night, like walking through a park dead winter, like trying to wade across an icy river to get back to your family and friends and safety and contentment and realization strikes, I'm not going to make it across this river.  I can turn around, try to find another way, or I can continue on this useless endeavor steadfast, and be swept away on the current of regret, to a destination I never planned for or desired.

I give up, wade to shore, and realize.  My family, my friends, surround me, we reside in safety.  Food, shelter, and clothing abound.  My sadness is unfounded and ridiculous.  Why should I waste my time being sad?